My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
