we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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