i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
