That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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