And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
