I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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