I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I won the penis lottery.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
