Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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