You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
