So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
