I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
