Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
