when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
