ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
