You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
