Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
