Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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