I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
