You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
