I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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