If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
