You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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