why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
