My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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