I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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