It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
