Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
