would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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