Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
cat food counts as protein by the way
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
