his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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