this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
