i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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