I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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