Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
