that's an acceptable place to lick
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
