i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
