Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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