Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
