I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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