If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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