So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
