I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
