she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
