but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
