Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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