so explain again why im purple
no
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
