WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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