I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
