Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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