i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
