so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
