I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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